I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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