Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
