I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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