i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
