Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
