Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
