My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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