Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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