one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
