My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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