Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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