i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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