she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
