you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
