I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
