you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
