my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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