woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
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There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.