Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
