shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
