THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
