But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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