Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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