Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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