he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
