i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
