My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
