we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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