i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
