I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
