Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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