You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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