Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
