If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
