none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
