I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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