she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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