if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
