There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15