Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.