Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
