I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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