I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?