new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we made out on top of his cat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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