The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Found your dick twin last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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