Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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