Rock
Scissors
Fuck
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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