I think I won the penis lottery.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
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Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night