ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.