Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen