drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.