I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake