all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she told me i tasted like america
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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