She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
