you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
