i jhust puked up my retainher.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Randomize
