College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
