i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
