I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So many bounce houses so little time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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