wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
