I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
