She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
please come you make the beer taste better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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