Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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