the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this boner is exhausting
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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