god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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