please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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