She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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