Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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