cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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