it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
