My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
