Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
