Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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