Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
